


Choices

by Kitty_KatAllie



Series: What's It Like [18]
Category: Eyeshield 21
Genre: Big Spoon!Sena, Family Drama, Fine Line between good boyfriending and bad boyfriending, Insecurity, Little Spoon!Shin, M/M, Misunderstandings, Ultimatums, also BIG SPOON SENA CUZ FUCK YEAH!? AMIRITE?, prepare to break sound barriers my friends, resolutions, ridiculously sappy floof somewhere in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10028261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitty_KatAllie/pseuds/Kitty_KatAllie
Summary: Basically the resolution to 'Holidays'. Hopefully the one you've been waiting for?!He loved this feeling of something permanent and good building under them, between them, erasing what was lingering from the Disaster ™ a month ago. There was a foundation for a future in these moments, a future he knew he wanted.(Yeah, this is only in the very beginning of the chapter. Prepare for the emotional whiplash...)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Do they ever cook together? Who cleans the most? Who is the messiest? BONUS: How do they support the other, even when the other doesn’t ask for it?

After New Year’s, the winter break snuck up on them too quickly. The flurry of exams and the Rice Bowl finals had everyone close to them, including themselves, too busy to interrogate them about the Disaster ™ of that night. Enma and Saikyoudai had been the finalists for the Rice Bowl, and Saikyoudai had sealed the win- sweeping both the spring little tournament _and_ the Rice Bowl into their clutches that year. Then, there was a mass exodus of almost all of Sena’s friends moving from dormitories to family homes once the last grades came in. Although everyone knew _something_ had happened on New Year’s Day when they came over for the last minute hotpot dinner, none had found the right time to ask yet. But now everyone was home; and the first mutters and fast-paced whispers of concern really began.

Because Shin did not return to his family estate as he always had. In fact, no one could remember the last time he’d gone home for the weekend, something he’d attempted as often as possible in the past three years of college.

Almost every one of their friends came by the apartment just to side-eye Shin sitting comfortably on the couch reading with Oh-Sada the cat purring on his lap. (Kakiko and Bonnkun, a.k.a. James Bond, often found perches on Shin before too long as well.) Or they gaped in disbelief as Shin expertly putzed about the kitchen and brought out enough perfectly-made and (surprisingly to everyone not a resident of the trio’s apartment) delicious meals. Monta and Riku had gotten so accustomed to Shin’s presence in their abode that, by then, they barely even noticed that he… just… didn’t _leave_. It took ‘till the end of January, well into the first week of February to notice that the two duffel bags he’d brought one day after finals had been _his belongings_. In their defense, it _had_ only been two duffel bags and he hadn’t even brought any furniture with him. And, also in their defense, Shin was… well… the ideal roommate. He didn’t throw raving parties or have a ton of guests over (Sakuraba and Takami were his only occasional guests and they were friends with everyone there). He didn’t blast music or leave his laundry hanging for days from the balcony (Monta and Sena did that _all the time_ ). He was so the opposite of messy, he cleaned up after _Riku_ , the motherhen and nitpicker of the trio. (It had probably taken Riku so long to notice anything because he’d been so relieved not to be the only one nagging the other two to pick the _fuck_ up after themselves.) Shin took out the trash without being asked and washed the dishes within an hour of using them most of the time (Sena was the second most often dishwasher, and not just because his boyfriend was the one cooking all the time.)

The worst Shin did was exercise in really weird places around the apartment and forget to wear his shirt about 95% of the time (that wouldn’t have been a problem either, but _Sena_ managed to make it weird for everyone but Shin).

It finally came to a head a week or so into February. The decadent aroma of broiling chicken and garlic-laden stir-fry wafted through the air. Monta was laid out on the couch, controller in hand and occasionally calling out in increasingly whiney tones for when the food would be done.

Shin had started ignoring him about fifteen minutes ago.

Sena was smiling absently as he carefully set pickles and radishes out on a plate. Already washed and waiting fruit were in a bowl to be cut up and put in the fridge for dessert. At his side, close enough in the minuscule kitchen that their elbows and hips bumped, Shin tossed the glistening, bright vegetables in the wok. It wasn’t the first time they’d cooked together, but the experience hadn’t lost its shine for Sena.

He loved the awkward lack of space. The small almost smiles every time they bumped too hard or pressed too close; not always on accident. The sweat that beaded Shin’s upper lip and the contentment that softened his boyfriend’s stern features. He loved the scent of whatever they were cooking slowly filling the room and enveloping them, making his stomach rumble and a silly laugh to escape. He liked the way they moved in harmony, sometimes without even exchanging a word, so in tune were they to the other’s body language and movements. He loved this feeling of something permanent and _good_ building under them, between them, erasing what was lingering from the Disaster ™ a month ago. There was a foundation for a future in these moments, a future he _knew_ he wanted.

Sharing his bed every night was still a little weird and stifling, and it _freaked him out_ when he walked into his room to see Shin calmly folding his underpants to put away. But this?

There were nothing complicated or strange about these moments in the kitchen, side-by-side.

“There’re a few movies playing you might like,” Sena brought up casually while cleaning up the pickle and radish packaging.

Shin carefully turned off the burners and began to neatly plate up everyone’s dinners. “I trust you to know what I’ll like,” he said affably.  Sena grinned over at him.

“One’s a weird foreign film. Subtitles, small cast, and rave reviews about landscapes, the usual.”

Shin’s mouth twitched upwards and his fleeting glance Sena’s way was heartwarmingly _fond_. The shorter man couldn’t help but preen- just a _little_. “It does sound like something I wouldn’t hate.”

Sena burst into laughter. “High praise from a movie hater. I was thinking… we could go next… Tuesday?” he prompted nervously.

Shin abruptly frowned, then his face cleared with some sort of inner revelation. When he looked away, mouth covered by his arm and the ladle hanging limply from his hand, Sena frowned quizzically.

“What is it?”

“I can’t go that day.”

Sena pouted in disappointment and some confusion. They had never made a big deal of the date before, sure, but Shin hadn’t told him he’d be doing anything. Shin was _really_ good about keeping Sena updated on his plans. He was also really good at keeping up with important dates and holidays. How could he forget such an obvious one?!

“Why- but- Can’t you change your plans just this once?” Sena asked, anxiously counting out chopsticks.

“I could, but you’ll be very disappointed. And so will the kids.”

Sena blinked and stared over at Shin’s face, now uncovered and almost _smirking_ at Sena.

“The kids? _OH! The kids!_ Wait-” A lightbulb dinged in Sena’s head. “You planned a Valentine’s date already with the kids from the center, didn’t you!?” he exclaimed, grinning in excitement. It had been _weeks_ since he’d been able to go play with them, or see Shin wielding the whistle while being used like a jungle gym. It was definitely one of his favorite things to do and he missed those afternoons. At Shin’s silent nod, Sena’s cheeks felt stretched too tight and ready to crack at the width of his smile. “You jerk!”

“I could tell them you ruined their surprise and didn’t want to come-” Shin replied indifferently, turning back to the dinner plates and setting them on a tray (wait, when did they buy a tray? Did _Shin_ buy that tray?!).

Sena flailed his hands around, spluttering indignantly. “Don’t you dare! Of course I want to go! It’s much better than the movies!”

“We could do the movies afterwards? We should have time for it in the evening,” Shin conceded, still looking smug around the edges. Sena laughed outright and took the tray away from Shin.

“It sounds like the perfect Valentine’s day. I’ll get tickets ahead of time. Now, let’s eat before Monta starts chewing the couch.”

“I WILL! WATCH ME! What were ya guys doin’ in there, anyway? Flirting while the food gets cold?” Monta taunted, clearing off the coffee table and shutting down the game system. “YO! RIKU! DINNER’S UP!”

“COMING!” echoed Riku’s voice from his room where he was probably Skyping his parents (who were in Morocco for the holidays visiting his father’s family).

“Just planning Valentine’s Day. Are you doing anything?” Sena said, radiating happiness and still smiling goofily. Monta narrowed his eyes at them.

“Living with a couple sucks.” He blinked and stared between them, even ignoring the plate Sena set down before he and Shin knelt on the opposite side of the table on their cushions. “Waitaminnit.”

Riku entered just then, looking sleepy with his hair mussy and flattened on one side. His schedule the past year had been hard- part-time job, full-time student, football assistant captain, plus weekends administrative-interning at a police office had taken its toll on him. He rubbed at his face, slouched into a lazy, criss-cross seated position, and dragged his plate closer.

“Sorry to make everyone wait. My parents woke me up from a nap.”

“It’s not a problem,” Sena quickly replied, growing uneasy and twitching under Monta’s swiftly-growing-suspicious stare down.

“Uh, yeah, thanks. This looks good, Seijuuro. Did I hear you knock earlier?” Riku asked, ignoring Monta who was slapping at his arm.

“Yes, your clothes were still hanging over the balcony. I folded them and set them in Sena’s room since you were busy. Sena and my clothes would have mildewed if I waited,” Shin explained with a shrug, starting in on his dinner nonchalantly.

Riku froze and gaped, his chopsticks hovering in the air and food falling on his lap. Monta’s slapping got harder, rocking him on his ass.

“ _He moved in!_ Riku, he moved in and we _max didn’t notice_!” Monta shouted.

Sena sunk low, face beet-red and cheeks bulging with stir-fry. Shin looked up, politely puzzled. “I’ve been here since classes ended.”

“What?!” Monta exclaimed, wildly gesticulating index finger waving between the couple.

“Oh… my god. He _has_ been here since classes ended,” Riku said dumbly.

Shin frowned harder. “Yes, I just said that-”

“Wait, it wasn’t- it wasn’t exactly planned! It just sorta happened!” Sena interrupted shrilly, waving him hands in front of him placatingly. Shin looked between the three roommates, bewilderment growing.

“If money’s the issue, I could pay rent,” Shin offered slowly. “I’ll need to find a job first, but-”

“Find a job?!” Sena shouted in surprise.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” Monta hollered in disbelief. “You have a mansion!"

“Weren’t you even going to _ask_ before just moving your boyfriend in? This is a roommate conversation, Sena!” Riku snapped at his teammate, rubbing his temples and getting oil from stir-fry in his hair having forgotten the chopsticks he still held in his hand.

“I didn’t just move him in, and Shin what are you _talking_ about, getting a job? You do not need to pay rent-”

“If he’s _living_ here, yes, he does!” Monta exclaimed, flailing his hands around in agitation.

“Of course I’ll take fiscal responsibility,” Shin agreed stoutly.

“Wait, we don’t even know if he can. The lease is for _three_ , not _four_. I’m not getting kicked out because you two decided to become joined at the fucking hip!” Riku retorted, tossing his chopsticks on his plate in disgust and rubbing at his hair. “We’re supposed to discuss these things!”

“Yeah, max not cool! You can’t just do it without asking, Sena. I mean, I like you fine, Shin, but doing this without even talking to us about it is max shitty friendship. Very anti-brocode, bro,” Monta backed Riku up, arms crossed over his chest and breathing bull-like through his nose.

“No, it’s really not like that! Shin is _not_ going to move in-”

“I… suppose I could find my own apartment-” Shin said softly, eyes on his hands. Sena squeaked in shock and set a comforting hand on Shin’s arm.

“No, of course you don’t need your own apartment, Seijuuro.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna move out without talking about it with us, too? Real nice, Sena,” Riku sneered.

Monta blinked in shock and then gasped. “HE IS?!”

“NO, I’M NOT!” Sena cried, slamming his hands on the table. “Everyone, BE QUIET!”

The three men sitting around him leaned back in astonishment as confusion-induced rage had Sena raising his voice. After a few huffing breaths, Sena raised his eyes and scowled at his roommates.

“You guys _know_ New Year’s Eve did not go well. Seijuuro is having problems with his family, and I didn’t want to push during classes. Being my _friends_ , you shouldn’t have a problem with me allowing my boyfriend of _two years_ to stay here until he can sort out his life. _Right?_ ” he gritted out. Monta and Riku nodded mutely. “Thank you. I _am_ sorry we didn’t talk about it, but it just sorta… happened. I promise, it wasn’t a planned thing.”

“Uh, okay. Uh, sorry, man,” Monta muttered, rubbing his nose bashfully. Even Riku looked shamefaced as he shrugged with affected carelessness.

Sena took time to inhale and exhale slowly before turning on Shin. “What do you mean, you want your own apartment and a job?”

“I can’t continue going to school on my parents’ money. I can’t even talk to them. I’m dropping out for a semester to save up money and apply for a football scholarship for the fall.”

Everyone's jaw dropped.

“ _What!_ ” The three roommates exclaimed, their voices ringing loud enough to shake the plates on the table.

“What the _hell_ happened at that dinner!?” Riku demanded, flabbergasted.

“You can’t drop out for a semester just before your _last year_ , Seijuuro! What are you thinking!?” Sena yelped, hands waving around again. “Not because- not because of-” he choked on the words, face paling drastically as his eyes filled with pain.

Shin grabbed Sena’s trembling hands. “This is _not_ because of you.”

“Y-yes, it _is_ ,” Sena disagreed, shaking his head as his shoulders tightened around his ears. He visibly shrunk in front of their eyes. “If- If your mom approved of me, you wouldn’t have had that fight.”

“She doesn’t approve of you?” Riku repeated incredulous and offended at once on Sena’s behalf.

“But… she _loves_ you, dude! She sent you free clothes and Shin’s baby pictures because you said you liked them so much! Like- what the hell?!” Monta blurted.

“It’s because I’m a male-”

The outraged cries from his friends had him flinching and Shin sighing.

“Not necessarily. It’s the fact my mother has a problem with _all_ the choices I’ve made. You were just one more that didn’t fit in her plan for me, Sena,” Shin corrected heavily.

“I don’t see a huge fucking difference. This isn’t the 1800’s. You don’t need to procreate to carry on a fucking lineage. That’s what it’s really about, isn’t it? It’s because you two can’t make more Shins,” Riku noted astutely while Monta just gaped in baffled fury.

"Rich people are fucking weird," Monta muttered.

Shin nodded, but Sena sighed softly, “I can’t blame her, though. I’ve seen their family tree and how much money they have. I’ve seen their home. That’s a lot of responsibility and you don’t even have cousins.”

“My _life_ shouldn’t be dictated by my family’s wealth or my _mother’s_ disappointment in me,” Shin retorted harshly. His eyes were dark and his mouth white at the edges from how tautly he held himself. No matter his words, the fact his mother had so blatantly made her disappointment clear was killing him.

“Sei, she _loves_ you. You need to talk to them. When there aren’t guests watching, and when you’ve both calmed down. Don’t decide anything huge while you’re still in pain, Sei. Dropping out of OU to get a scholarship, spending so much energy and time on making your own money out of _pride_ , that’s not right. You love each other and you can make it right again,” Sena advised gently and urgently, both hands on Shin’s arm now and his gaze earnest.

Shin’s nostrils flared before he turned away.

“I think… I think pride’s all a man’s got sometimes. I’m with Shin,” Monta mumbled, ducking Sena’s furious eyes.

“I’m with Shin just because getting bitchy over you having a dick pisses me off. Who needs their stupid money?” Riku scoffed, eyes flinty. “I’ve got lots of connections, I can help you find a good job,” he added to Shin.

The bigger man nodded once, shoulders leaking out their tension. “Thanks.”

“No, don’t you encourage him! Don’t you do this to yourself, Seijuuro. You need to make up with your family and stay in school. You’ll miss out on your first chance at a draft if you start late!” Sena pointed out.

Shin shrugged. “I could get drafted the same time as you if I wait an entire year.”

Sena got to his feet, hands in fists shaking at his sides. Shin looked up at him, startled and mouth parted. Rage warred with tears in Sena’s eyes.

“I think you’re being a stupid _idiot_. Don’t throw away your future because of _me_. Don’t throw away your _family_ because of me! Do you think I want this burden!? Do you think I _want_ to watch you struggle, or watch you see all your classmates move on without you?”

“Maybe this isn’t all about you,” Shin said sharply. Sena flinched back and then stood his ground, scowling just as angrily as Shin.

“Like _hell_ it isn’t. Like _hell_ I could be in this relationship anymore when I’m the reason for the stupidest thing you’ve ever done!”

A pin could’ve dropped at the silence that fell. Riku and Monta stared between them, eyes bouncing like ping-pong balls between the two motionless men.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Shin asked, voice choked and rough.

Sena glared at him, mindless of the hot rush of tears on his cheeks. “If you don’t _listen_ to me about this, if you drop out, yes. Yes, I will. I will _not_ be your- your soapbox! Your grand friggin’ _statement_ against your mother. I’m _better_ than that!” Sena shouted furiously. “If you can’t swallow down your pride and talk to your family the right way, then…then we’re done.”

Shin got to his feet, took in a deep, slow breath, and _scowled_ at Sena. Fury had his dark gaze flashing, but Sena glared back without flinching this time.

“I don’t appreciate your ultimatum.”

“I don’t appreciate your lack of understanding!”

“You know what it means to have pride-”

“Yeah, and I learned my lesson! You were there, you _saw_ me take the bench that day! I learned that giving into my pride, into my insecurities, is was made the people around me hurt! And that’s what you’re doing now!” Sena exclaimed, throwing out his arm.

Shin looked away with a loud ‘tch’. “I’m going to Sakuraba’s.” He turned towards Sena’s room, footsteps heavy and spine stiff. Sena yelled wordlessly and ran his hands through his hair.

“FINE! Run away from me like you ran away from your mother!” he snapped.

 _Oh shit_ crossed all three faces the moment Sena said that parting taunt. They all flinched as Shin slammed his open palm against the wall. It didn’t quite make a hole, but the thin drywall cracked and buckled under the force of it.

“I’m n-not apologizing for that,” Sena forced out. He looked towards Riku and Monta, both frozen in place and looking like they regretted _everything_. “I’m going to my parents. Or Mamori’s. I don’t even care.”

He didn’t even bother going to his room. Just stuffed his feet into his shoes and grabbed the nearest coat on the wall- Monta opened his mouth, then shook his head and gave up. He’d just use Sena’s coat if he needed to go anywhere. The door slammed behind Sena and the sounds of Shin opening and slamming drawers in the room had them grimacing.

“So… uh… next time someone appears in our house for a month, I’m just not gonna say nuthun’,” Monta mumbled, poking at the congealing food on his plate.

“You can say that again,” Riku agreed fervently.

* * *

 

Sena gulped, throat catching painfully, as he stared up at the door in front of him. His breath clouded the air in front of his lips, and his teeth chattered, but the cold was far preferable than what lay on the other side of the door. Probably. Hopefully not by the end, but most likely. He groaned and swiped at his hair with his gloved hands. The wool scratched at his freezing skin, an absently noted irritant. With a quick glance behind him, to the long driveway cleared of snow and the water-less fountain glazed in hoarfrost, Sena took a deep, bracing breath of winter-y chill air and raised a hand. The first knock was too quiet. The second try was better, but the wood of the door was so thick, he had no idea if his cushioned hands made a loud enough impact to be heard. Grumbling under his breath, he scouted around and eventually found the button to ring the bell. By the volume of the ringing he could make out, it was probably wise he’d rung it instead of hoping someone had heard his knocking.

He bounced up and down on his feet, clapping his hands against his arms as his teeth clattered in his head. At least while he’d been jogging up that driveway, he’d been warmed by the exertion. Now, his light sweat was freezing on his skin and the wind whistling off the stone façade of the building had him shivering violently.

 _Finally_ \- too soon, too fast!- the door opened to show a wide-eyed Hoshino staring at him.

“H-Hey, Hoshino-san. A-Are th-the Sh-Shins h-home?” Sena stammered through the clacking of his teeth.

“Y-Yes, yes, of course, Kobayakawa-sama. Please, come in at once,” Hoshino all but ordered briskly, ushering the smaller man in and closing the door. He reached for Sena’s winter things to hang in the closet. “You should come sit in the kitchen a moment and drink some tea. I’ll take word of your presence after you’ve warmed some.”

Sena smiled at the offer, but shook his head. “H-Honestly, I’d lose my n-nerve if I w-wait t-too long. Thank you, though.”

Hoshino frowned in concern, but acquiesced with a regal nod of his head. “If you insist, Kobayakawa-sama. I’ll get that tea ready for you. If you wish to leave in a hurry, I’ll have it in a thermos for you to take with you.”

“O-Oh wow, uh, thanks. Really. But I shouldn’t d-do that,” Sena protested.

“This time _I_ shall insist. Please, follow me to the sitting room. The Shins will be with you shortly.” Sena followed after Hoshino, tongue-tied and still half-frozen.

After making sure Sena was set as close to the gas fireplace as possible, and that the flames were flickering merrily behind the glass among the fake wood, Hoshino bowed and left the room. Sena settled against the thick, comfy cushions of the couch and glanced around sadly. He’d come to this room a few times, not as often as Shin to his apartment or his parents’ house, nor as often as he to Shin’s dorm, but often enough. Enough to have built up a few good memories alongside the first. Of laughing with Seisuke over pictures of Shin, and enjoying Juuri’s kind, inquisitive questions into his interests and studies between shortbread cookies he’d spent too much money on.

The picture of Shin wearing the Pikachu backpack had a place of honor next to his bed, set in a large, framed collage of sorts of his friends and family. The first time Sena had pointed it out, Shin had snorted in amusement, but didn’t ask for him to put it out of sight.

The sound of footsteps, the familiar clack of heels among them, had Sena jumping to his feet and rubbing his sweaty palms on his thighs. This time, his shivers weren’t on account of the cold. The door re-opened and Seisuke and Juuri entered without pause or surprise on their faces. Of course Hoshino was too professional to have withheld just who was in their sitting room. But the lack of any emotion at his expense had him grimacing inwardly. They looked like he was just a nuisance rather than a beloved guest. A stark difference from the last times he'd come- though maybe it was all in his head...?

“Sena, my boy, how are you? You walked here from the subway?” Seisuke greeted with a mere shadow of his usual cheer. He reached out his hand and Sena raised his automatically, smile twitching upwards as Seisuke’s big, warm hands encased his in a hearty shake.

“Ran, actually. Sorry, I kinda… trespassed a bit. Seijuuro told me about the back gate last year, when you allowed my friends to stay. I just… um, used it? Sorry,” Sena told them with an anxious little chuckle as he rubbed the back of his ruddy neck.

“It’s not a problem, Sena, of course not,” Seisuke assured him gently. Sena slumped in relief.

“It is if this is something that will happen regularly,” Juuri stated firmly.

Sena flinched under the cold sharpness of her tone. _February ain’t got nothing on Shin Juuri_ , he thought.

“Juuri, please,” Seisuke murmured to her, his hands dropping Sena’s.

Her mouth tightened slightly, but she didn’t speak again. Sena squinted a bit, taking in her general appearance. She looked put together, sure, the same nice, classy clothes and perfectly done hair. But… her make-up was missing. And the lines around her mouth and eyes were deeper, her whole body taut and stiff in a way that wasn’t _usual_. She and Shin had the same straight-backed, perfect posture, but five years of observing Shin made it easy now to tell the difference between good posture and just trying to holding herself together.

“You’re so much like him… or I guess, he’s so much like _you_ ,” Sena said aloud, sad and small, smile pinched at the corners.

Both Shins started in shock and glanced at him with widened eyes.

“Did Seijuuro send you? Is he with you?” Seisuke asked desperately. Now that Sena wasn’t so _terrified,_ he could note that Seisuke looked even rougher than his wife. He wore his emotions like most people wore clothes. He was sloppy with them- his eyes bloodshot, his broad shoulders permanently slumped, facial hair in uneven patches under his jaw, the unhappiness like an ill-fitting coat on his big frame.

Sena shook his head. “No, he’s being stubborn. He’s too upset to forgive you and I… I don’t really blame him.”

Juuri’s mouth pursed, but her black eyes looked pained. “You wouldn’t understand-”

“Of course I don’t,” Sena interrupted brusquely. Again, with the surprised staring. Sena would have been annoyed if he wasn’t feeling the same. “I don’t know what it’s like to have this much money. I don’t know what it’s like to be the only son in a family with a _legacy_. I also… I also don’t know what it’s like to marry into a family like this and feel like I’ve failed it.”

Juuri blanched, fingers pressing to her pale lips. Seisuke reached up to cup his wife’s shoulder.

“I talked to… to my mom and Mamori-neechan. Between the two of them, well, I’m probably being presumptuous, but I don’t think _Shin’s_ failure is the problem.”

“My son is _not_ a failure!” Juuri snapped, blooms of color on her white face. Relief hit Sena like a punch to the solar plexus, relief in knowing that somehow, the women in his life had managed to hit the nail on the head about just where Juuri's upset had stemmed from. 

“We’ve never thought he was a disappointment. Juuri misspoke out of anger, but she never meant it that way. We are so, so proud of him,” Seisuke agreed fervently. “If he’d just- We’ve tried so many times to contact him, but Haruto and Ichiro both refused to help once Seijuuro told them to.”

“We couldn’t… we couldn’t call you or your family… not after what happened. I have never been more ashamed of my behavior,” Juuri added, head bowing.

Sena bowed quickly on reflex. He would never be used to being on the receiving end of that kind of respect. “N-No, it’s- I get it. I think my parents appreciate that, too. But… Seijuuro… he’s about to make a huge mistake. I can’t… I can’t stand by and let him make a choice that could ruin his life because he thinks you don’t approve of him. That you don’t approve of _me_ ,” Sena explained. He wrung his hands, heart beating too fast against his sternum. He licked his dry lips with his eyes glued to the floor.

“I can’t be his 'either or' choice. I can’t be his everything, because that’s… not right. Not to either of us. He doesn’t see it now, but I can. He deserves to have as many people who love him, and support him, as he can get. I can’t be the reason why he loses people dear to him. I know… I know I’m a man, that I can’t bear children for the Shin name, and all I want to do is run after a ball for the rest of my life. I know my family is small and we don’t have any money. Not really. I know I’m not especially smart, either. I’m probably the worst catch a guy like Seijuuro could get-”

“Sena-” Seisuke started. At his side, Juuri looked heartbroken and speechless.

Sena looked up, blinking rapidly to soothe the sting in his eyes as he laughed awkwardly. “No, no, I’m not- I’m not done. I’m just being honest. Looking from the outside in, right? But… I’m not done! ‘Cuz you see… I’m all those things, all those _not good enough_ things, but I _love him_. I love him so much, I’d rather lose him forever then let him make a choice that’ll break his heart. And it _will_. He loves you guys so much. This idea that he’s a disappointment, that he’s a _failure_? It’s tearing him up. I know it is! I can’t… I can’t let him live the rest of his life refusing to talk to you and b- _believing_ it! I can’t!”

Tears fell in earnest now. Loud, heavy sniffles heaved his shoulders and his wobbly smile quivered even more. Despite his blurry eyesight and their startled expressions, he met their eyes, his gaze darting between them desperately. 

“Please, please, don’t make him choose between us. I just want to love him and make him happy. So please, please let me take care of your son for the rest of my life. I promise that I’ll be enough, more than enough!” He squeezed his eyes shut and bowed at the waist, hands in shaking fists at his sides. Hot, stinging tears slid down his face and chin, but he choked down the sounds and hoped- just _hoped_. "I promise. I  _promise_ I'll make you proud to call me your son-in-law one day."

“Oh, Sena…” Juuri whispered softly.

Sena squeaked as meaty, buff arms wrapped around him, jerking him upright and pressing him into a wide, thick chest. The smell of expensive floral shampoo and green tea enveloped them as Juuri placed one hand on his back and her lips to his forehead.

“Don’t cry, son. Of course that’s all we could’ve wanted for our son,” Seisuke told him gruffly, his own deep voice choked with sobs. "We're both  _so_ proud he fell in love with a boy like you."

“I am so sorry. I never meant for either of you to doubt your worth. You were right. It was always _me_ ,” Juuri murmured. 

“You’re a successful businesswoman, and your husband and son love you. I don’t get how you could think you’ve failed anyone.” Sena sniffled loudly. 

Juuri smiled sadly and stepped back. Seisuke reluctantly let Sena back on his feet, but affectionately rubbed Sena’s wild tangle of hair.

“I married into this family knowing exactly what my duties were,” she smiled at Seisuke when he made a loud scoffing noise. “I know you never truly agreed, my dear. But you’re just too European. When I… when Seijuuro was born, late into our marriage, I had to admit that another child wouldn’t be possible. I was so focused on _my_ failure to my own self-imposed duties, I failed to notice Seijuuro’s condition. He was sixteen before we even got him diagnosed properly. He became so withdrawn...” Juuri shook her head and looked away. “He was always our serious little boy, but I let my weakness affect him. He saw too much and blamed himself. My son thinks he’s a disappointment to his family because I _let_ him.” Her shaking hand covered her face and her last, strangled words were muffled-

“I made him feel like his condition was a burden to me. I’ve been a terrible mother and it’s too late to take all those years back.”

Seisuke pulled her down to his shoulder, his arm around her shoulders and the other cupping the back of her head. Somehow they managed to fit, with the proud, tall woman tucking her face against her husband’s shirt. “No, my dear wife, this was not just you. I was just as responsible for my family’s happiness and I let you both down. I depend on you for so much, I couldn’t fathom the idea you needed me just as much. Or that Seijuuro wouldn’t turn out strong and proud and wonderful just like his mother. He did, Juuri, you raised a good man and I never thought you let me or my family down.”

Juuri nodded. “I know, I _know_.”

Sena dropped his gaze to the ground and wrung out the bottom of his sweater. Obviously this was a conversation they’d had before, one that Juuri still struggled to absorb and Seisuke struggled to get through. Like Seijuuro, Juuri was a perfectionist. Always trying to be better than her personal best. The fact that she couldn’t fight her own biology, or that she couldn’t by sheer force of will ‘cure’ her son while being too proud to ‘give up’ and change her personal goals… it just seemed so... _sad_.

Sena cleared his throat lightly, but kept his gaze on his shoes. “It’s not too late,” he said when their murmurings ceased.

“Wh-what?” Juuri asked in confusion.

“You said it was too late… that you were a bad mother and now it’s too late. I don’t… I don’t you were as bad as you think, just like Shin-san said,” Sena reminded her, with a jerk of his chin towards Seisuke. “But it’s not too late to make what happened last month better. Go talk to Seijuuro. Tell him the truth.” He raised his eyes with a tiny, encouraging smile. “Show him that it’s okay to put your pride away and admit you’re wrong and _apologize_. Being a parent doesn’t mean having to be perfect all the time. It just means…”

He trailed off and imagined his own family. His tiny, loving, accepting family. With their smiles and warm hugs and open door for any and all of his friends. Their joy in his accomplishments and their faith in his choices.

“It just means loving unconditionally, right?”

Juuri and Seisuke looked at each other. Seisuke grinned broadly at her and her shoulders straightened. “Yes, you’re right.”

“Now, if only we can get Seijuuro to talk to us,” Seisuke added, laughing boisterously as he ran his hand through his hair.

Sena blinked and dug into his pocket. “Actually, I think I have a way to get him to be in the same room as you within an hour.”

“What? Really?” Seisuke gaped. Juuri blinked once and then understanding began to dawn.

“You… You didn’t tell him you were coming here,” she realized without a doubt.

“Nope,” Sena agreed, typing up a new text message. “We had a fight and he moved into Sakuraba’s. He’s about a mile away from your front gate.”

“You had a fight?” Juuri and Seisuke demanded at the same time, both looking aghast.

Sena’s smile looked a little forced, and his phone chirruped as the message sent. “Well, yeah… but we’ll figure it out… I think.” They stared at him blankly. He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly with shifty eyes darting around the sitting room. “Honestly, coming here without telling him probably made it worse, so if he drags me out of here, you know why?”

“Maybe you should tell us exactly what happened,” Seisuke suggested worriedly.

“I don’t believe we should interfere, my love. My actions are most likely the root of their rift,” Juuri told him with a knowing look Sena’s way. His sudden blush and head-ducking confirmed it.

“Ah. Yes, you’re right. Maybe I should tell Hoshino to bring the tea. Are you still cold, Sena?”

Sena blinked at them, perplexed. “I- uh… not so much? But I like tea?”

The next twelve or so minutes paused in an awkward not-quite silence over tea. Hoshino had lingered in the room longer than Sena expected, his gaze at the Shins vaguely reproachful before Seisuke assured them they had apologized to Sena. With a satisfied nod, Hoshino had left with the tea tray and Sena had boggled after him while the Shins chortled under their breath. The broken small talk revolved around the Rice Bowl and Sena's final grades, Sena carefully skirting Shin's major announcement to drop out to keep them from getting defensive, and the Shins carefully skirting the fact Sena was still sniffling.

When Juuri filled his second cup of tea, Sena froze, shoulders tightening, as he winced all over. Just barely, the Shin adults heard the strange rhythmic thudding sound coming from outside.

“What in the world?” Juuri murmured, turning towards the hall and setting down the teapot carefully. 

“It sounds like a helicopter… Were we expecting company?”

“You have friends come over in helicopters?!” Sena squawked. He shook his head. “I mean, no, that’s Seijuuro.”

Seisuke and Juuri stared at him. “Seijuuro can fly a helicopter?” Shin’s father questioned in numb disbelief.

“Ah… no…”

A door slammed open and all three jumped in their seats. The thudding sound resumed until it was right outside the sitting room and the door flung the rest of the way open. They all got to their feet at the same time, the Shins looking bewildered and Sena merely resigned. In the doorway, a furious, disheveled, sweaty-faced Shin stood, chest heaving, hat and gloves missing, wearing only a jacket he’d forgotten to zip closed over his hoodie. Sena waved uneasily from where he stood next to Juuri. Shin’s eyes narrowed in on the tense body language, then zoomed in on Sena’s face. He squinted harder, then scowled so ferociously even his parents paled.

“ _Have you been crying_?” he growled past too-fast pants.

“Uh… um… a little?” Sena confessed, eyes darting to Juuri’s shocked face. “But it wasn’t an entirely bad- _HIIIIIIIIIIIII_!” He shrieked and scrambled back when Shin was suddenly in his personal space, one hand gripped too tightly around his upper arm.

“Seijuuro!” Seisuke protested, laying a hand on his son’s shoulder.

The dark-eyed glare had his father stepping back with hands raised. “Haven’t you upset him _enough_?” He turned back to Sena. “Why are you here?”

Sena ‘eep’ed when that rage focused on him. If only he didn’t feel so guilty about going behind Shin’s back, he’d have that spine he had the other day during their fight.

 _Fine! Run away from me like you ran away from your parents!_ _I’m not apologizing for that!_

Sena glanced away and gulped. “Because I didn’t like the ultimatum either,” he said softly.

Shin dropped his hand away from Sena and spun away. His hands curled into fists at his sides. “So you thought forcing _your_ way was better?”

“Seijuuro, listen, I needed to come here and so did you. If you could just listen to them, hear what your mother has to say-”

“ _I don’t want to!_ You had no right!” Shin shouted. Sena jerked back, eyes wide and heart stopping.

“Shin Seijuuro. You’ll stop this tantrum _right now_ ,” Juuri snapped. Her authoritative voice rang out, clear and bell-like, causing both boys in the room to wince in shame. “Sena was right to come. He deserved an apology from me.”

Shin jerked his head up to stare at her, his mouth hanging open. Juuri’s stoic features coolly stared him down a moment longer. Until the mask cracked and her mouth trembled. She took a deep breath, stepped out of her heels, and placed her hands on her thighs. Then, Shin Juuri slowly sank to her knees. Seisuke blinked and thudded down next to her, flinching at the cracking of his knees to the hardwood floor, then put his hands on his knees, so that together, they bowed their heads. They didn’t go as far as to bow their foreheads to the ground, but it had just as impactful a meaning to Shin.

“I’m so sorry, son.”

“We both are. We both let you down,” Seisuke added, his hand reaching over to cover his wife’s.

Shin stood, still and silent, eyes searching out Sena’s desperately. The utterly lost look on his normally so confident features had Sena putting aside their own problems to hurry to his side and grip his slack hand.

“Do you accept their apology, Sei? Are you willing to listen now?” Sena prompted quietly, smiling and squeezing Shin’s hand reassuringly.

“I- I…”

“If you’d like more time, we understand, Seijuuro. We’re willing to give you that,” Juuri promised, even though her voice was husky and pained.

“It’s the least we can do,” Seisuke concurred with a firm nod and his eyes looking up to Shin’s.

Shin glanced back at Sena, and _thankfully_ , clutched at his hand tightly.

“I’ll stay,” he whispered hoarsely.

All three of them let out loud exhales of relief. “I’ll go then," Sena told them. 

“What?!” the Shins shouted as one.

“This is a family thing, and… I’ve heard it. This is for you guys to get through. And… I’ll be home, waiting for the fallout of… this,” he swept a hand between him and the Shin parents. Shin’s face darkened in remembrance, but he didn’t pull his hand away.

 _Good sign_ , Sena thought with a small amount of comfort.

“And about the argument the other day.”

Sena nodded with a weary sigh. “If this takes long enough, I might actually apologize first.”

Shin huffed before gradually, reluctantly, pulling his hand away. Sena and Shin shared a long silent look that ended in a tiny, contrite smile from Sena. Then, Sena made his way towards the door, already miserable at the thought of walking through that cold back to the subway station several kilometers away. This neighborhood was way too _spacious_.

“Sena,” Juuri called out as her husband helped her back to her feet.

He paused at the doorway and looked back. She and Seisuke were smiling at him, eyes shiny and red-rimmed, but so overwhelming grateful it made Sena’s knees weak.

“Nothing would make me happier than to see your fulfill your promise to me.”

Sena blinked, perplexed. Slowly, scarlet crept up from the neckline of his shirt to his forehead, burning his ears to steaming hot. His eyes darted to Shin and back to his parents.

_So please, please let me take care of your son for the rest of my life. I promise that I’ll be enough, more than enough! I promise I'll make you proud to call me your son-in-law one day._

“I-I-It w-w-would b-be m-my p-pleasure, m-m-ma’am!” Sena squeaked, bowing several times before darting away fast enough to rock the door that was already barely hanging on by its screws and twisted hinges.

* * *

 

Sena spent the rest of the day pacing his apartment. However thankful he’d been not to run through the chill, Hoshino driving him home had cut into the time he would've had occupied with commuting, resulting in even _more_ time stuck at home and waiting. Riku and Monta watched a movie, craning around him as he passed each way and throwing popcorn at him if he paused too long in front of the screen.

“Dude, you totally deserve what’s coming to you,” Monta said obnoxiously around a mouthful of masticated snacks. Riku looked over at him in disgust.

“Swallow, you animal.” He returned his attention to Sena with a much more sympathetic look on his face. “You said something he definitely needed to hear, but if he’s pissed at you for the rest of the year, I wouldn’t be surprised. Seijuuro is not the kinda guy who likes being cornered. _You_ don’t even like it, Sena.”

“Yeah, it was totes shitty,” Monta agreed. He grinned with grossly food-covered teeth. The pillow to his face had him flailing and cursing.

“I thought you were supposed to be _my_ friends?” Sena questioned disbelievingly. He gnawed on his thumbnail when his eyes fell on the clock again. It was getting close to Shin’s bedtime. At this rate, maybe Shin decided to make him stew all night?

No… that wasn’t Shin’s style. Where _was_ he?

“We are your friends! We’re telling you how it is, man! Though, you were pretty cool. I haven’t seen you that pissed since freshman little spring tournament. Max props, bro,” Monta said with a wink and extravagant thumbs-up.

“You’re being really blasé about the fact that my boyfriend of _two years_ might decide to _break up with me tonight!_ ” Sena exclaimed, hands waving in the air before hissing and clutching at the hand whose thumbnail he’d just torn off jaggedly.

Monta and Riku looked at each other. Their cheeks puffed. Their faces reddened. Their shoulders began to shake. Until finally, they exploded. Guffaws burst through the apartment and they clutched their stomachs, tears actually leaking from their eyes.

“B-Brea- Break up with you?!” Monta shrieked, his legs _kicking_ in the air in his mirth. “I’m d-dying, I c-can’t b-breathe.”

Riku wasn’t much better; he was sliding off the couch with the force of his laughter, wheezing for air. “S-Seij-juuro would p-probably watch you k-kill s-someone and j-just help hide the b-body, S-Sena. No way is he gonna break up with you for this. B-be pissed, hell yeah, but _break up with you_? You basically shit gold.”

Sena scowled at both of them. “You don’t- He wouldn’t- _I do not_.”

Fresh peals of laughter followed.

“W-Wanna b-bet on h-how f-fast they m-make up?” Monta asked through gasps.

“Th-that’s a s-sucker’s b-bet, asshole. They’ll b-be kissing b-before they c-cuddle and p-pet e-each other’s h-hair _t-tonight_ ,” Riku retorted. Monta _screamed_ his laughter.

“You guys are the _worst_. This is really serious!”

“Oh, yeah, it _max is_. But no way are you guys not gonna make it. Especially not with the Shins on your side for reals now,” Monta replied, still chortling and wiping at his eyes.

Riku nodded and dragged himself back onto the couch properly. “Face it, Sena. You guys are endgame. You’re that sickeningly cute high school sweetheart story. You’ll be old and gray and deaf and blind and still disgustingly into each other.”

Monta pointed at Riku and nodded fervently. “Yeah! That’s so true!”

Sena wavered where he stood. “R-Really?” he asked, a smile slowly breaking out over his face.

Riku’s teasing smirk flattened slightly, eyes pinching at the corners, but his voice was light and mocking as he answered, “If I believe in any couple I know going the distance, it’s you guys.”

“Me, too. You guys are… are _solid_ , you know?” Monta chirped in eagerly. “You’re that couple everyone wants to be. You still deserve some crap for being kinda a jerk, but so does Shin. So… duke it out like men and then manly cuddle all night. You’ll be back to yourselves in no time.”

Riku dropped his face in his hands with a pained groan. “Shut the fuck up, monkey. _Manly cuddle? Really?!_ ”

Sena shook his head, but couldn’t help but feel better. “I think you guys think too highly of us, but I appreciate it. Really.”

A knock at the door had him shrieking quietly and the other two bursting into more laughter at his expense. They gathered up all their trash at Sena’s hissed pleading and made their way to their room. With a deep, steadying breath, Sena went to the door and opened it. Shin stood on the doormat, of course. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and staring off to the side instead of meeting Sena’s head-on. His hands were shoved in his jacket pockets, his nose and cheeks were bright red from the cold, and his mouth was turned down into his uncomfortable frown.

“Hey, Seijuuro,” Sena murmured softly. Shin grunted and stepped in when Sena moved back. Shoes were changed for slippers and the outdoor things were hung on the pegs by the door. “Do… Do you want some tea?” Sena offered, shuffling awkwardly and wringing out the bottom of his shirt.

Shin hesitated, then shook his head.

Sena led him towards his bedroom, carefully not looking at Monta and Riku’s closed door. Their teasing- sincere and honest as it had been underneath the glee- had lightened his anxiety a little, but it still hovered around the edges. His therapist had been telling him for almost two years that anxiety doesn’t get ‘cured’, it just gets ‘managed’, but sometimes he wished magic, take-one-cure-all pills really did exist. Especially in times like these where his inner monologue fucked with reality so bad he couldn’t tell the difference.

They sat on the edge of his bed, hands on their knees and eyes downcast.

“I said I wouldn’t apologize first, but… I should,” Sena admitted softly after a too long silence. Shin twitched next to him, but didn’t stop him. The runningback took a small breath. “I shouldn’t have gone to your parents’ today without telling you. I shouldn’t have accused you of running away. And I shouldn’t have made your choice without you. I definitely shouldn’t have given you an ultimatum for not doing like I wanted you to. I still feel like…like I was right… to an extent. But I shouldn’t have done it that way. I should have trusted you to come to the right conclusion on your own.”

“I wouldn’t have.”

Sena looked over at him in shock. Shin’s hands tightened into fists, curling into the fabric of his pants.

“I already had a letter to the dean written to drop out of OU.”

“Oh my god, Seijuuro! You didn’t!” Sena gasped in horror.

Shin glanced away. “I was so bent on proving my mother wrong, so furious that her disapproval and dishonesty had caused you pain that day as well… I thought the only way I could retaliate on both points would be to cut myself off entirely and try on my own.”

“Seijuuro, that’s-” Sena broke off, speechless and shaking his head.

“Stupid. You were right. I was being stubborn and proud. I made you… how did you put it? My soapbox?”

Sena blushed and ducked his head. “I couldn’t think of the real phrase.”

“You were right. I’m sorry I put you in that position. That didn’t mitigate the problem for you, I made it worse. I put you in the middle and then didn’t consider your feelings.”

Sena shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I did worse. I basically called you a coward.”

“I _was_. These past two years I let you think everything was fine, I refused to stand up to my mother, because I didn’t want to say out loud one of my worst fears,” Shin scrubbed a hand over his face as his voice broke. Sena reached over and lay his hand over Shin’s.

“You were scared you let your mother down, Seijuuro. That’s hard to face. I think you tried your best, but I’m so, _so_ glad you both finally talked it out. That you finally told her how you feel and she told you,” Sena said earnestly and quietly. “She did tell you, right?”

Shin, at last, met Sena’s eyes. There was no lingering anger there and the burden on Sena’s heart lifted away completely. Something incredulous and shocked flitted over Shin’s face as he thought back on his conversation with his parents.

“She felt the same thing, this whole time. That she let my father down, my family name down, even me by not being a good enough mother. How could she ever think she was a bad mother, Sena? She’s the strongest person I’ve ever met. Other than you, maybe,” here a small smile curved up the side of his mouth.

Sena's smile was wide enough for three people, though. Shin’s hand shifting under his to entwine their fingers only had him smiling bigger.

“I forgive you for being stupid and almost dropping out of school. Thank you… for defending my honor, I guess?” Sena chuckled sheepishly.

“Thank you for helping me face my parents. I forgive you for calling me a coward. And for using an ultimatum. I would appreciate it if you never threaten to break up with me again. It was not a pleasant experience,” Shin tacked on dryly.

Sena burst into laughter and curled against Shin’s side, their entwined hands between them resting on Shin’s leg.

“I kinda sorta made a promise to your mom for the _exact opposite_ , so I think we’re good.”

“You did what?”

Sena reached over to grab the collar of Shin’s hoodie and drag him down. “I owe you a make-up make-out session. Unless you wanna skip straight to manly cuddling?” Sena joked with a grin.

Shin stared at him in confusion. “Is that a euphemism for sex I don’t know about?”

Sena laughed until he was sick to his stomach before he calmed down enough to get even a single kiss in.

They made up for it by staying up too late and welcoming in Valentine’s Day kissing each other to sleep. And yes, manly cuddling, thanks, Monta. Sena remembered that just a week ago, he thought sleeping with someone every night was still a little weird. But falling asleep next to Shin after several long nights without him, the threat of a break up hanging over his head like a guillotine... _that_ cured any lingering oddity sleeping together had for him. Sena fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning clutching Shin too tight with his face buried against the wide breadth of his back while Shin's hand absently stroked his arms. 

_Please, please, let me take care of your son for the rest of my life._

_Face it, Sena. You guys are endgame._

That... that wasn't scary or strange at all...

(The day spent with feverishly energetic kids in the snow while sleep-deprived and emotionally-wrought was... interesting to say the least. They  _both_ fell asleep during the movie that evening.)

**Author's Note:**

> Nine more chapters left! (Though Desires may stay open indefinitely, lol)
> 
> Also, the foreign film mentioned in the chapter is based on nothing. So... I was thinking of a very old Macau film I saw in a "World Film Festival" in South Korea, but it was, like... in 2012? There were almost no faces on screen, and the main character was the POV of the film (like from behind the lens, so we like never see him, only hear him), and it ended in... the world ending? And everyone in Macau turning into cats? It was fucking weird guys. I loved it. But since this isn't based in 2012... I have no idea what movie Sena's talking about. LOL
> 
> Sakuraba lives about... 3 miles from the Shin residence (in the same neighborhood, but not so classy or big a mansion as the Shins, lol). So... yeah, Shin ran 3 miles in about 12 minutes...


End file.
